THE PLANE PLANE!
by 2-feathers-and-a-stone
Summary: An airplane a drunk Logan & Warren, a fighting Rouge & Bobby, a tired Colossus, a bored Kitty, Storm not caring equals A really funny story! some swearing that's about it!


Of course I don't own Xmen if I do I would not be here I would be doing very dirty things to a certian hottie with wings! ;p

Storm sighed as she sat down in the uncomfortable airport chair. They were all waiting for their plane to go on a vacation to London. She looked around to see Rouge talking to Bobby, Kitty reading a magazine, Colossus looking like he could fall asleep at any minute, Warren looking rather worried, & Logan pacing back & forth with his hands behind his back. They were all ready to get going it had all ready been a rough day trying to get everyone there in one piece not to mention getting Logan past secretary how they did it was still a mystery to her.

"Logan sit down your making everyone nervous." Storm sighed.

"I am not sitting down & I am not getting on that metal death trap!" He said.

"Calm down." Storm said.

"Calm down how the fuck am I supposed to calm down? First you drag me everywhere on that damn jet & now your making go in a plane where God know whose flying it? I don't think I can calm down Ro!" He snapped.

"Well there is a bar right over there if that'll calm you down." Rouge suggested Logan looked at her.

"Good idea kid I do need a drink." He said wandering off.

"Wait for me I need one too!" Warren said running off to catch him.

"Maybe that wasn't the best idea Rouge." Bobby said.

"Why not?"

"Because what happens if Logan gets drunk on the plane we're all done for it."

"Well all we can do now is pray." Storm sighed 'This is going to be a long flight' she thought.

Storm looked around worried they were calling out rows to board the plane but Logan & Warren were nowhere to be found.

"Where could those 2 be? They knew our flight number." She said to herself more then any one else.

"Maybe they just stopped to use the bathroom first?" Kitty suggested.

"Oh wait there they are!" Rouge called out point 2 staggering guys walking towards them.

"Where have you 2 been?" Storm asked the 2 both who looked to be rather chummy for them. They were usually at each other's throats.

"Calm down Ro where here!" Logan said & then turned to Warren "See what'd I tell you?"

"Ohhhh yeah!" He said as they both bust out laughing.

"Are you 2 drunk?" She asked.

"No……Not completely." Warren said.

"Yeah we had to save some for the plane!" Logan said as he grabbed his bags Warren following close behind his new found drinking buddy as they boarded the plane.

"This is going to be the world's longest flight." Storm thought as she followed the 2 all the others tagged a long.

Since they had 7 passengers Storm decided it was best to sit alone not only so the kids could talk but also for her own mental health. In the row across from her sat Warren by the window, Logan in the middle, & Kitty on the end. In front of them sat Bobby by the window, Rouge in the middle, & Colossus on the end. She looked over at Kitty who was busy talking to Logan.

"Don't worry it's just a plane it's not going to crash you more likely to get in a car accident then a plane crash." She said calmly.

"Kid, I've all ready been in a ton of car accidents you can tell me what's next." He said.

"Well at least your sitting next to Warren he can save ya if need be." She said & then looked over at Warren who looked very, very tense.

"Are you ok Warren?" Kitty asked.

"No I'm not ok!" He said.

"Your not afraid of planes too?" Kitty asked he took a big gulp.

"Yes I am. Very, very afraid actually…" He said staring out the window.

"How can you be afraid of planes you can fly!" Kitty said still trying to comprehend this.

"It's not the fly part or the crashing part…I am claustrophobic big time & this is just too tiny!" Warren said. He was about to go into more details when Logan hit him.

"Shut up bird brain they are talking about what to do if this sucker goes down & you may not be fucked but I sure as hell will be if you don't SHUT UP!" Logan said giving him the 'if you say 1 more thing & I will BBQ you like the bird you are' instantly Warren shut up. Kitty sighed this was going to be a very long flight. But little did she know it was just as bad for Colossus sitting right in front of her. He sat there a hand on his head as he listened to Rouge & Bobby fight about who should have sat by the window.

"Come on Bobby let me sit by the window!" She begged.

"But you said it yourself if I bought you an ice-cream cone at the airport I get the window!" He said.

"But I didn't believe you would do it!" She said.

"Too bad I did & you pinky swore to it so you can't take it back!" He said.

"Who said that?"

"Every one knows that! It's the unspoken rule!"

"Since when?"

"Oh come on everyone knows it been that way since the beginning of time!"

"That is a lie!"

"No it's not!"

"Yes it is!"

"No it's not!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Fine Colossus has the pinky swear been around since the beginning of time?" Rouge asked looking over at him.

"I am not getting involved!" He said 'this really is gonna be a long flight!' he thought all of a sudden getting really depressed at the thought. He couldn't help but turn & look behind him hearing the giant yelp coming from behind.

"MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP!" Logan said clutching on for dear life to Warren who was freaking out as well.

"GET OFF! GET OFF! GET OFF!" He said beating him off with his hand.

"JUST MAKE IT STOP!" He said all most crying now.

"I CAN'T!" Warren said all most crying as well.

"It's ok it's ok! Calm down you two! It will be ok!" Kitty said reassuring them & pushing Logan down back into his seat as he tried to get out & run.

Kitty sighed this was getting impossible now Logan was still freaking out causing Warren to freak too. This had been going on for another 40mins. Kitty knew she had to do something. She reached up & hit the stewarded bell. Soon a little came walking up with an over peppy look on her face.

"Can I get you anything?" She said looking at the 2 worried faces.

"I need a beer!" Logan said.

"I need anything with alcohol & NOW!" He said.

"Okie then 2 beers I will be right back." She said as she walked away.

"Good now maybe they will calm down." Kitty said to herself not realizing the big mistake she had just made.

1 hour later

"You know what man! You know what!" Logan slurred the words together as he pushed the 9 now empty bottles off the table on to the floor.

"No don't say it I know what your gonna say!" Warren said slurring his words too.

"No! No you don't! I need to say this I need to say this! I love you man! I really am glade to be your friend if we are going down I am glade it's with you!" Logan said hugging Warren.

"Man I feel the same way!" Warren said hugging back.

"Yeah I think I need to go to the bathroom." Kitty said quickly getting up & running off to the bathroom.

"What's her problem?" Logan said.

"Women who knows…..Hey I have to use the bathroom too." Warren said getting up Logan pushed him back down.

"After me bub." Logan said getting up Warren just pulled him down jumping over him.

"No man me first!"

"Don't try it kid!" Logan said pulling him back down.

"I am not a kid!"

"Yes you are!"

"WELL FINE AT LEAST I DON'T WEAR GIRLS PANTS!"

"I DO NOT WEAR GIRLS PANTS!" He said pulling for Warren's wings.

"No!" He said kicking him hitting him in his 'manly parts'.

"YOU SO DID NOT JUST DO THAT!"

"Opps….." Warren said trying to make a run for it to the front of the plane till Logan grabbed him & started to hit him. Before anyone knew it they were on the ground fighting each other all the other passengers sat staring at them like they were completely out of there minds. Even though they were beating each other for some odd reason no one was bothering to stop them. Just then Logan jumped off of Warren they both got up in the 'bring it stance' till Logan popped out his claws.

"Oh shit!" Warren said running into the cockpit locking the door behind him. He looked up to see the pilots looking at him oddly.

"Logan………Bathroom……….Pulled my wing…………Girly pants comment………Fighting……….Claws………..Ran……." Warren said in between breaths.

"Uh huh…So have you ever been in a cockpit young man?" The captain said looking at him.

"Actually no."

"Ok let me show you how everything works." The captain said.

"Cool!" Warren said smiling like a 6-year-old boy.

Logan stumbled his way back to his seat Storm looked at him oddly.

"What exactly was that all about?" She asked.

"It was about……." Logan sat there for a long pause. "I don't remember any more. Oh man I need a beer." He said as he went back to his seat & pushed the stewardess button yet again. Kitty looked up from her magazine.

"Have fun?" She asked.

"Of course taught Tweety a lesson." He said pushing the empty bottles away with his foot.

1 row ahead Colossus was right on the verge of losing it having to have sat through the same argument for over the past hour. Some how it got to the point where they were now arguing over the correct words to the song "I'm to sexy"

"No Bobby I know for a fact that the song goes "I'm to sexy for my car too sexy by far _& then the line is _And I'm too sexy for my hat too sexy for my hat what do you think about that."

"No it is I'm to sexy for my car too sexy by far _& then_ and I'm too sexy for your party  
too sexy for your party no way I'm disco dancing" He said.

"Jeez Bobby next thing I know your going to be trying to tell me that there aren't alligators in the sewers. Which we by the way all know there are!"

"We have covered this over a million times & I am starting to wonder what is so difficult to figure out there is NO alligators in the sewers."

"You tell that to all those people who have gotten bit!"

"First off no one has ever gotten bit by an alligator from their toilet & second off it's all an urban ledgen." He said. Colossus sighed he couldn't take any more of this.

"YOU GUYS! First off yes Rouge Bobby did buy you ice cream & you can't sit by the window. Second off no one knows how long the pinky swear has been around. Little red riding hood was never killed neither was the kids in Charlie & the Chocolate Factory. Johnny Depp is not the hottest guy ever alive. The Packers will never win a Super Bowl they suck too much. It is not gay to hug another man. It is gay to look at there butt while in the locker room & I am never gonna be around Bobby ever again. Hot dogs are really mystery meat. The sky is blue because the pigment of the water on earth. Kurt Kobane did commit suicide. Tu pac is dead. Pay tolls are used to gain money for the community that they are around & Rouge is right the words to the song are I'm to sexy for my car too sexy by far And I'm too sexy for my hat too sexy for my hat what do you think about that. Bobby you are right the alligator thing is just a myth no one has ever gotten attacked but I am sure that there must be some alligators down there some where but they will never find there back up. They are just not that smart! Now if you don't stop acting up & keep your mouths shut I can knock you both out for the rest of the flight got it?" He said annoyed. Bobby & Rouge just looked at him in shock neither saying a word as they nodded.

"Thank you." He said putting his head back & closing his eyes.

Just then Warren came back from the front of the plane still smiling like a 6-year-old that he so resembled.

"Where'd you go?" Kitty asked.

"I got to go up to the cockpit that's what the pilots call the front of the plane." He said sounding like he knew it all.

"That's good to know." Kitty said not really caring at all.

"Yeah & look what they gave me!" He said showing off his button of a pair of wings.

"That's good why don't you sit down." She said he nodded & sat down right by Logan who was starting to pass out.

30 Minutes Later

Storm looked over at the others she smiled seeing a passed out Logan with a drooling Warren sleeping on his should with there pile of beer bottles, Kitty was doing her nails, Colossus was fast asleep, & Rouge & Bobby looked to scared to say a word.

"This might not be such a bad vacation after all!" Storm said to herself as she started to watch the in flight movie.


End file.
